13 - Jacob Gruse - State Championship Basketball Coach, Dad, Husband, Mentor - "Be a Good Person" #CueCountryRoads

Welcome back uncommon leader podcast listeners. My guest today is Jacob Gruse, the Head Basketball coach at cave spring high school in Roanoke, Virginia. The Knights achieved the pinnacle when they won the state championship during the 2019-2020 season. The team faced turmoil that year as they played all of their games away from home as their gym was being rebuilt and the season ended early as a result of the Covid pandemic.  That season  was documented recently in a book by Eddie Lloyd called There's No Place Like Home.  Coach Gruse and I talk about the book and other stories about people have influenced his life and who he is and wants to be as an uncommon leader. This interview was a lot of fun. If you listen to the end, learn how you can win a copy of the book!

Uncommon themes in this podcast related to:
Family
Servant Leadership
Sacrifice
Be a Good Person

Stay in touch with Coach Gruse on Instagram.

Ernie Johnson story - Make somebody's life better

Cue Country Roads

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Transcript

0:26

Welcome back uncommon leader podcast listeners. My guest today is Jacob Cruz, the high school basketball coach at cave spring high school in Roanoke, Virginia. The Knights were able to win the state championship just two years ago. And it was documented in a book recently by Eddie Lloyd called there's no place like home. I'll put a link to it in the show notes. I was able to consume in about two nights. It's a fun story about how the team went through a season and the challenges that they face. Coach Bruce. And I talk about the book and other stories about people have influenced his life and who he is and wants to be as an uncommon leader. This was a lot of fun. If you're sticking around till the end, learn how you can win a copy of the book. Here we go. All right. Coach Cruz, state championship, coach cave, spring high school. It's great to have you on the uncommon leader podcast. How you doing today, man? I'm doing fantastic. Just really appreciate being able to reconnect with you and and be on here, man. It's real honor and privilege to be. I know we had a chance a few minutes before we started to hear to talk about that connecting and how we lived in the same town. But one of these days we'll get you down to the Myrtle beach and and, and a place for you to stay there as well as you come down. So I'm looking forward to that also. Well, let me jump right in. I know I asked the same question of all of my guests on the show for my listeners. Tell me a little bit being this, a leadership podcast. Tell me a little bit about a story of your youth or even early in your coaching career. That's impacted you such that it still impacts you today. When I immediately think about that, I think about my mom and dad, I've told everybody growing up in the great state of West Virginia, and I've got one older brother. A lot of my family still in West Virginia, my grandparents who were deceased now lived, one lived probably four minutes from the island, lived probably about six minutes from me. But when I think about leadership and who's impacted me. To me. I immediately go to my mom and dad talking about Sarah leadership. My mom was a stay-at-home mother. Every person thinks me that would be a great job. And how hard do they actually work? my mother's a Saint she dealt with my dad and my brother and me. And so she had three kids. What I tell everybody and she was a stay at home mother and did an unbelievable job. Running the household, making sure that we were practices where we were supposed to make sure our lunches and our breakfast were ready and, just being the, the, the total caretaker for the three of us, it's just amazing what she, she did. My dad was just a hard working man. and again, like when I think about my dad, like, I think about all the sacrifices he made. If you're seeing that Facebook meme about, about dads and, I remember my dad were in a Panama city beach, a baseball classic t-shirt from like 1993 and the man still has it today. I'll never know my dad has spent a dime on himself. He always wanted, we never did without, but we weren't, spoiled growing up. They taught us about hard work and, and, and my dad exemplified that every single day of his life. And he just wanted to make sure that my mom was taken care of and me and my brother were taking care of. So to me, I immediately look at my mom and dad. Yeah, it's just the role that they've had in my life is still due and show my dad, every year I buying the gear that we buy our team and, he said before he retired, he's retired now, but he would he would see people like, Jody, do you coach? And he'd be like, no, why? He's like, you've got Dan river basketball shirts on. And yet Avery at West Virginia tech gave spray said, you're always in a and basketball gear and polos and stuff that we get, to me, when I think about that, man, I just, I just think about the sacrifice my parents made and still do to this day. They're just incredible people. They would just stay on this past week and just, I can't thank them enough for everything they've done for me. No, I think that school and I, I can't, I can imagine some of the gear that he's got some of the swag that you. You've had an opportunity at many schools to do that. And he still wears a right over top of his Panama Jack t-shirt, which talking underneath just to tuck in underneath. So, that's a good story. And I mean, I think that's powerful when you can really talk about, Hey, the influence of your parents and how, what they've had on you, and then ultimately how they've shaped who you are as a parent, having a young son and a young daughter as I've met them before and as they come up as well. So it's something that's really. Well, Hey, thanks for sharing that. And again, I'll probably reference it. I'm gonna put this up, even though nobody will be able to see it's just an audio, but I I've read your book. No place like home that came out or Eddie lawyer wrote in quite a story about the state championship season at K spring high school that you had recently. And I am curious, I mean, when I think about that book, that for me, There was a, there are power in both the story of the games that the teams won and the adversity they came through. But ultimately for me, it was about the front end of who Jacob Bruce is and how he was. And really at the end about coaching the right way. So let's, let's start at the beginning of that book. And who Jacob was, you mentioned West Virginia, a couple of times in the book. It talks about the hollers of West Virginia. You've coached at, uh, West Virginia college in terms of an assistant coach and then been in Virginia at a co couple of high school coaching stints, as we've gone through. What is the story that you remember all those teams, or even in one of your high school teams that has impacted you and kind of something that sticks with you, that you were able to tell your teams and keep them going as well. Yeah, to me, it's it's again, everything for me goes back to. I'm just so rude in our family and our family's been such a, a pivotal part of the model life. And again, my parents are just unbelievable. People is my high school coach. Tex Williams, still talk to this day my dad played. My brother played for him and then I played it for him. So he's, he was a tough son of a gun still is to this day, a hard nose. When I say old school to me, that's the right way, just just really got after kids. We call it, now we call it intense fellowship in our, in our program when coaches have to get after each other. Cause it's probably not politically correct to say we're screaming and yelling at people. So we call it in tits, fellowship town. But like to me it was it's one of those days. Growing up. I play basketball for coach Williams was, you couldn't come home at the dinner table and be like, man coach was too hard. A leader coach was unfair on me, unfair to me. She looks at my dad played for him in the seventies. My brother played for him in the early nineties that, I graduated. High school in 1997, we say, oh, it's escalate it. Wasn't like, Hey, oh, you're right. Coach has BNC tomatoes. Mason thought we had a whole lot harder than you did. So don't come home and whine and complain about how he's running you too much. Are you doing this? Like we promised our stories are way harder than what you have. So we've had tons of laughs about things like that. And my mom's a cheerleader at Sal was at school with Jared, for my dad. it's all ingrained, man. They still live in our hometown. It's all ingrained. And I think that's going to be able to, I don't know how many people can actually say that they played for their coach, that their dad played. Yeah, that's not there. Aren't many of they're able to do that. And I find that kind of fun again, even as you say those, it takes me back to some of the coaches that I had growing up. And I even had a little bit of a chance to coach a basketball in the rec league as I went through and got a chance to coach my son. And that's challenging and it's not, it's not easy. Either again, be coached by your dad or be coached by your dad's coach. I guess that could be even more challenging. Some of the things that come along with that. So I bet those are really challenges. And you mentioned, coach Williams, being a tough coach. I liked that you weren't going to get any sympathy when he came home to the kitchen table about him being too tough. And again, that probably formed a little bit about who you are today as well. And in the spirit of listening to. No, the listeners of this podcast talking about continuous leadership development, I know you're a pretty tough coach, too. No doubt about it. I've had a chance to watch it from the stands and some of the coaching that you have. And I know that you are a tough coach in today's world. How have you had to adjust? How have you had to grow as a leader and as a coach to coach in that space and still be tough? Yeah, I tell people all the time, I'm not the easiest guy to play for and I'm okay with it. everybody say that the kids have changed these days. I totally disagree with that. I think parents have changed. I think that, parents allow kids to transfer too much. I think kids are allowed, to, to be able to escape parts, situations and adversity. Parents just don't allow them to experience those, those tough things. So, I, I have a hard time or Jason G used to be the head coach along with university and was the head coach at university of Charleston for a long time. And what's. And I heard him talk about that and it really resonated with me. Like we got to quit blaming kids. Like kids haven't changed. This is the parents that have changed. I don't know if we're becoming a softer generation or, or, or what, what that is, but like, coach you has changed dramatically? I'm probably not the same coach that I was when I was a damn river on, some of those kids have come and see me coach. And they're like, because you got soft in your own. I like, man, there's no way you'd let me get away with that. And the kids, dear, like, man, like coach is really, really, really hard on me. But I, think with that, to is calm, age and maturity. Like I was probably way too hard on my kids at Dan river. I don't think I'll be the first to admit that. Yeah. When I left there and got to be a west V tech with, with Bob Williams, who's now the PG coach at 4g military academy, lane boss, a lot of things. And he was he, he still is a tough son of a gun as well. And it just really got after kids, but I got to see it through an a sister role a little bit better. When you're setting, you know, was that, 16 inches over in one seat, it's a lot easier to see a game and you've never missed a car or, or made a back play call from there. It just gives you a different perspective. And, I've always, not to toot my own horn, but I really feel like my rapport with kids has only been like one of my strong suits. I probably have, in coaching, I'm probably not the best Xs and those guys, but, really forming those relationships have been really, really. I got to see our coach, form those relationships and, and how he did things. It really had to, got to be able to take a step back and watch that. And I think that, it's really evolved me into a coach. It's not many coaches go from being a head coach and run their own program to step back and be an assistant. usually they go from edge to edge on the edge and I'm like, honestly, it was, it was the best thing that I ever. There's so much to what you just said. I mean, in that little, just over a couple minutes in terms of going through it, I mean, the fact that I do believe, I agree with you as well. Kids can be coached tough today. You build a relationship with them, you set expectations and hold them to a high level expectation that that toughness is not something that needs to be an aggressive toughness, but it is, when you set the rules in place and you follow the rules, are there going to be changes? So I appreciate it. To here that relationship building is so important to you with your players as well. And how that, how that goes so far, it allows you the opportunity to, to then lead. And I think that last point, and maybe not as much even about the kids, but just about leadership in general is the opportunity to go from a head coach to step back. Not necessarily take a step back, but to step back and then be in the system, you mentioned sit 16 inches beside somebody and watch them do it and how you can grow as well. Having a mentor there, or having a teacher there that you can learn from even more and then come back in and be that much better as you come back into the head, coaches, chair, as powerful as well. So I think those are, those are great stories and great things for us to learn from as well. And you think that. Some of the things you learned, I got to believe you learned at West Virginia tech. But the part of the story is that there was also a sacrifice you had to make as well. So you were not just the assistant coach, but you play, you wore a lot of hats. And then secondly, one of the bigger sacrifices and again, sacrifices that leaders have to make today, whether it's in coaching or in business or in. Is that you also had to leave family behind if you will, for a little while, and that story and how you had a long distance relationship with family, two small children. So tell me a little bit about that and how, and how that was and what that, what that meant to you from your growth and your your relationship with your wife as well. Yeah, w we'll talk about from the coaching standpoint first, which was awesome to be able to go to west sheet tech, I've never recruited a kid. I never given a kid an offer for a scholarship, and jump right into, a college job. And, I was, it was just me and coach wait, there was no other assistance. We didn't have any gas, we didn't have anybody. So, I mean, I was checking grades. I was doing laundry. I was, the strength coach. Individual workouts, you know, I had to do it all which, at some points, we all kind of feel bad for ourselves when we're tired, we're doing. It was a greatest thing to be able to just be thrown into it, and I'm not saying the coach waves that do that. I mean, obviously he helped to do things, but, trade and films, making sure the gym was set up, it just gave me that full program perspective. And I think it made me appreciate, I always did. I've always had tremendous assistance, but maybe, maybe appreciate my assistant coach. Even more so for the amount of work that they had that they had to do. So it was cool to be able to wear all those hats, you know, 99.9% of the time it was that was great. And then, I always say that there's a special place in heaven for coaches. Harry Daniel, the guy that gave him my first basketball job ever, the Southwestern Randolph high school is a JV coach. I graduated college in December, had a job starting January one there. And he walked by and he was he's. He's a retired coach score and he's, he was about a hundred years old. And what I tell everybody to Tommy yard and he walked by and he didn't know about. So he just called me to golf, which he still calls me that to this day. That's probably the best thing he's ever called me to Gus. Aren't you want to coach? I said, yes, sir. I'll tell you what we start practice today. I'm going to work your tail off and I'm going go pay you the Dom. And I'm like, man, this sounds great. You know? So he gave me the advice that whenever you get married, you better marry a coach's wife. And like at 23 years old or however old it was. And I'm like, man, what's this whole guy talking about. And I like, now I'm like, man, like I was extremely brilliant. I still talk to him this day. And, so when I left I'm here, when it, when I went up to west sheets, To interview and I'll call my wife on the way home. And I'm like, all right, like, you know, everybody thinks college coaches make a ton of money. I took a$20,000 pay cut to be an assistant coach at the college level because I've always wanted to coach in college. And again, teachers don't make a lot of money, so it's not like I was making a killing and taking the$20,000 baker. I said, I will tell you,$20,000 a pay card. We have a three month old little girl and a two year old little boy. And you don't have a job and you're only five hours away and I'm going to live in my brother's spare room with him, his wife and their three kids. And her response to me was, you're an idiot. If you don't take it, this has always been your dream to coach in college. If you don't do it now, you may not ever have the opportunity again. And I'm like, man, like I think about all the time, like going back is like, cause she drove every single week as she loaded those two kids got profiled out. To save. Now I'm thinking, I don't know if roles were reversed. Would I have been able to look at my wife and say, follow your dream? I've got a three month old and a two year old and a full-time job. And I've got to juggle this. Like she did, like, I don't know many women that could do what my wife did and I'm not trying to get brownie points in over. I'm just being honest, like, and I don't know many men who would make that sacrifice for their wives and for her to tell me to do that, that day was incredible. It was a tough nine months. I mean, let's not kid ourselves. It was really, really hard on her and not, not, I mean, it was me for missing kids, but she had to juggle everything and, so she, she made some unbelievable sacrifices and for her to be able to put myself and my dream and my coaching dreams before. Her and, and our family, is, is something that, that I'm indebted to her for life. I really am servant leadership at its best. The law of sacrifice RV, look at it. What are you willing to give up to go up? And it's not just to go up the corporate ladder, but to, to learn in the way you did. I think no. Jacob, both you and I have married up with regards to having wives that will continuously be servants to us. And that that's a pretty powerful story in and of itself. And I do hope that Kristen listens and understands that recognition. So, and I think other people listened that we know. So let me, let me shift gears here just a little bit. So one of the things that some of our listeners may recall pastor John Sharp was one of the. Guests on the show back on episode six, you can go back and listen to that one. But he talked about a story of a coach that he helped out. I used to bow his jackets and maybe say a few things that he wasn't supposed to and things like that. And I was wondering if coach Cruz would get a chance to listen to that and hear that story. If he knew who that might be about. Cause he never said a name. So let me just turn it over to you. You get anything you want to say about that episode and your buddy, John, the eyes are straight on my chest. I tell everybody I said here's a humbling experience. Is when your pastor that you known for about two weeks comes up, he's like, Hey man, I've got a great idea. God's really speaking into me. I want to be your character coach. And I'm like, amen. Yes. Cause you can tell your pastor no one, anything regardless of what they asked you to do and like, yeah. Tell me what it's about. He's like, Hey I just want to come alongside. I don't want to be there to support, want to make sure that we're doing everything the right way and I'm just there to support. And then. In my younger days I have been done to break clipboards or misplaced a jacket on the bench. those grease boards, there's dry erase boards, or they're not made the way they use. And there's like my, my sport coat sometimes plots off, even though I haven't taken my sport coat off until years. Nobody remembers that basically when I throw up. And so here's, here's the album. The experience is after the, after the first couple of games, I started to get a text after the game from pastor John, it was a letter. And unwind. He gives me the first like C minus and I'm like, man, I thought we played pretty good tonight was my response. Like, yeah, I thought we did some good things. Can not talking about your team. I'm talking about you and how you behaved on the sidelines and where you a good example, a godly example for your team. When the silence, like you talk about a humbling experience it and, re refocusing your lenses real quick or. You know who you are and who you're supposed to be, because when your pastor said you a great man, that's tough. Cause you can't really argue with, I mean, let's be honest. So yeah, that was me. Yeah. I broke a clipboard, but the best way I got about John Sharp is from this past year, we were citral with stock in the state semi-final game or two years ago, state semi-final game Barker off gets a breakaway two handed dunk. The big moment we'll take the best part of that is seeing John. Jump on the sideline off of our bench. And many of your listeners don't know where Ben is, but Ben's not a big town right outside of Rona. I say, man, there's no way you can get a VIN foam book underneath his feet. Cause that's ops. I mean zero ops white may can not jump. And that's John shore. I would've loved to have seen that and I'll make sure pastor John gets a copy of this when it comes out as well, so they can hear that going on. So I do appreciate you sharing that as well as the humility that. No on the leadership side to grow too personal, you got a long ways to go on the coaching sideline and not, and I don't mean that from where you are. I just mean you're a young guy and you've got a lot of influence left to have with different individuals with different people who, when I talk about the greatest story ever told, I, I talk about it. The individuals who write your name on their list. When they, when they're asked, Hey, who's made a positive impact on your life. And I know that your name is going to be there. I want to finish with one more question. That kind of goes along with that in your book, no place like home. We talked about your definition of success. And it said for me, at least in basketball, it's how many guys come back to visit us? And see the program and how they're doing. So tell me, tell me a little bit about that and success and what that means to you from the relationship with them and what that means to you from a legacy standpoint as well. Yeah. I think coaches go through so many stages of their career. Like, well, what anybody does I think early on is like, how many games can I win as a coach? I've got to be able to prove myself how many, coach to the awards. Can I get how many I've got to prove up to itself? Prove myself, prove myself and. After time goes on, you really figure it out, man. What's really important in life. And it's so cool when you guys want to come back. Like they want to come back. Like I just had a kid Charlie Argo, who was on our state championship team just graduated last year. And he tells coach in our middle school basketball team this year, because he wants to see better. Like, to me it is, it's not coach speed because I don't want to sound cliche, but like, it's all about. How many guys come back and help me and bring back like their wives or their girlfriends or, or eventually when they bring back their kids, they want them to see like where they were from. And, and to me, the people who influenced their lives, like coach Roth. Who's my sister, my sister now. Or to me, that's, that's, what's important. This past year, we went to I think three former players weddings, which one? I feel old going to these dudes wanes, but, I would say just now the last one where. And at seven seniors, my very first year here, and we went to his wagon, six of those seniors of the seven seniors were there, they're all of age now. So we sit down and, and had a beer too and told some stories and, as time passes, those stories get embedded. And they become better and better. It just I told my wife, I said, man, and it was so cool just to be able to sit around with those guys and just, talk about the good old days, the glory days of, of when they play here. And to hear those guys talk about like me and I'd give anything to go back and. Now, remember when I was yelling at you guys and telling you guys, it's like, yeah, coach, we, thought you were crazy, but man, it was some of the best times because those guys are, are so tight knit. To me it's all about, making good people, again, having them being good citizens, being good husbands, good fathers. I mean, to me, that's that success anymore because in today's world, it's all about, I mean, you did you want to stay championship? That's the only thing is successful with. Yeah. How many games did you win? But like, again, it's not just cliche and, and, and coach big. We just really want to have some really good guys. And, and we're so fortunate to be at the case, Frank community that, our guys are awesome. Kids knock on wood. They have good parents, it takes a village to raise these kids. And, and we're just a little small piece of that being their coach. A lot of times we get way more out of it than probably what they do and, and, and help nurture and raise these kids. We, we do a small little part as coach with demands. It's just very, very rewarding to, to see those guys come back, man. It's just level when they come in, man, coach Raul and myself, coach Mack, you know, his dudes come in, give you a big old hug and it's a pretty cool feeling. I mean, it really is. Well, coach, I appreciate you sharing that as well. And that feeling that goes forward, I appreciated our conversation today. I can't believe how fast time goes as we go through it, but listening. And I know when I get a chance to listen back and go through this and, and listen to themes like servant leadership and family and tough love as you go through it and relationship building. And what's really important and not hearing necessarily. X's and O's of what basketball are and the most important things. But those two things ultimately ended up going hand in hand. You're making a positive influence. I appreciate you. What you've done. I congratulate you on your state championship. I appreciate, as I pointed the finger behind me, there's the one, I don't know if you can read that that far, but that was my 19 80 17 first state championship and only state championship at Brook high school. And there's a little trophy of me as a wooden little trophy of me in 1987. So I used to play the game as well. I, I share similar fun with some of the stories that you talk about. And again, I've been able to vicariously relived that by reading your book. So I hope many others get a chance to read that again. It's called no place like home and you can find it on Amazon, but as I finished. I want to give you kind of the last word and the way I always finished the podcast, as well as I'm giving you a billboard or a big wall behind, like the one you're sitting out there and you get to tell a million people that are going to go buy this thing, what, what you want them to hear? What's your mantra that you want them to hear and go on forward. And I've giving you a little prep to get there, but what is it what's on that sign for you? And what would you want to tell everybody? To me, it's all about just being a good person. As simple as that sounds to me, it's all about being a good person. Life is hard. Life is hard. We talked to our kids and my son's six grade AUT, we tried, I just got them coaches, flag football teams, just being a good dude, be a good person. Like look for those opportunities. I coach with two guys in, in a U in flag football, rich Maxine, Kevin Kahneman. And we have always talked about looking for those opportunities to have somebody. Like to me, life is hard. My kids in middle school now I teach in high school. Life is so difficult now. Like it costs you nothing to be a good person, like for opportunities just to help somebody else. If you do, if we all do that, man, this world is so crazy. It would become such a better place, regardless of what your faith is, what you believe in your politics, doesn't matter. Just always look for those opportunities to help somebody else. So if I had a billboard. Well, my headstone. If somebody had one thing to say about me, it was just be a good person. And I'll plug one last thing. I don't know if you saw, when Ernie Johnson went in to talk to the Alabama football this year, it talks about being a better human. You haven't watched, it's a six minute video on Twitter or any social media you put in the Ernie Johnson from TNT and Alabama football. It's a six minute video. I showed it a teacher leadership class here at the high school, and I showed it to every one of my classes. It's a pretty powerful thing about just being a good person, just looking for opportunities to help somebody else. And that's, that's what I want to be remained. Like go to this ball crazy dude for West Virginia, but he was a good person. And if I do that, man, I'm, I'm a pretty happy dude, coach Bruce. I appreciate you sharing. Be a good person. You're exactly right. The world. Wouldn't be a different place. I'll put a link to your Instagram profile. So folks can stay in touch with you just to see what you're up to. And I will also put a link to the video because I did watch the Ernie Johnson video that you shared with. Which is pretty powerful too, because it is, you know, we learn so much from others as we go forward with it. I've learned from you today in the past few years. I appreciate our relationship that we have and look forward to staying in touch with you. My listeners I'm sure. Benefit from it today too. And I appreciate being here, coach, man. Thank you so much. I just hope we cute country roads as we're going off. There you go, buddy. So that was fun. I wish you could have seen coach Cruz during the interview. I had him on the zoom and it was a lot of fun. I'm sure you heard some of the intensity and passion that he exudes and shows on the sideline as well. I appreciate how he shared about many different things, including the influence his family has had on who he is today. The changes he has had to go through as a coach over the years, his perspective on servant leadership, including his wife, servanthood as well as he's gone through his development. To me, the law of sacrifice. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to go up and finally the simplicity and power of his mantra to be a good person. I think if we just realize that we definitely would be in an uncommon place, if we would just be a good person more often, if be like this episode, please share it, if you share it on social media and tag me, you'll be entered into a drawing for a copy of the book. Until next time let's go and grow champions.